There are plenty of encouraging and inspirational quotes to get you through deployments. But what if you just want to laugh?

Funny quotes for deployment

Sometimes a good chuckle can do wonders when you’re dealing with long distance. Here are 32 FUNNY quotes for deployment and military spouses.

  1. “Don’t be sad, laundry. No one is doing me either.”
  2. “The military is my husband’s mistress and sometimes that B**** gets all of the attention.”
  3. “I wish I could copy and paste you into my bed.”
  4. “I really miss you but, I really love not shaving.”
  5. “I’m in my bed, you’re in yours, One of us is obviously in the wrong place.”
  6. “Whoever coined the phrase, ‘Absence makes the heart grow fonder was an idiot’, Absense makes a girl go cray-cray.”
  7. “Deployment is inconveniently the most effective way to find out if you really love each other.”
  8. “Don’t you type at me with that tone of voice!”
  9. “Distance = worst c**kblock ever.”
  10. “I am grouchy due to a recent lack of physical intimacy.”
  11. “Husband deployed?… ‘wine’ a little, it’ll make you feel better.”
  12. “Things to do today: 1. Get up 2. Survive 3. Go back to bed.”
  13. “Thank you for your service to our country even though it means you can’t be here to service me.”
  14. “This too shall pass… Painfully, like a kidney stone, but remember it’ll pass!”
  15. “Don’t mind me, this is just my fog of deployment face. Carry on.”
  16. “Military wives don’t do spring cleaning…. They do OH NO my husband’s-coming-home-from-deployment cleaning!”
  17. “I miss you so much chocolate doesn’t even taste good while you’re gone. J.K. It still tastes good, but I still miss you!”
  18. “I looked hot today, you missed out.”
  19. “They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. At this point, I should be able to bench-press a car”
  20. “Foxtrot. Uniform. Charlie. Kilo. Deployments”
  21. “ I legally mess with government property”
  22. “Each month has an average of 30 days. Except the last month of deployment which has 2,794 days.”
  23. “I cheat on my diets, not on my husband”
  24. “If deployment were a TV channel, they would be the Lifetime Network because ‘We Know Drama’”.
  25. “I miss your face… and your junk.”
  26. “One selfie photo = 5 outfit changes, 10 different poses, and 20 different tries”
  27. “My eyes are saying “go to sleep” but my heart is saying “Netflix”
  28. “I’m getting really tired of spooning the laptop after a skype session. He needs to come home soon”
  29. “When all else fails, hug the dog”
  30. “I wanted to send you something sexy but the mailman told me to get out of the mailbox”
  31. “Sometimes you just need to drop your big girl panties and tell everyone to kiss your ass!”
  32. “Deployments are just like an annoying coworker… You just want to punch it in the face and move on!”

Read some more quotes for military families

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