I thought I had gotten over the hump when the newborn phase was over. Boy, was I wrong. This kid is approaching toddlerhood fast and strong. I’ve quickly learned that my tiny little terror has his own set of rules.
so from toddler to mom… The 10 Commandments of Being a Toddler… as Written by a Toddler
I am your toddler, and I love doing anything I’m not supposed to be doing. Cross me and I scream. Ignore me, and I will also scream. They don’t call them tantrums for nothing.
You shall not eat in front of me without sharing a portion. Unless it’s broccoli. That shit’s gross. Keep it.
You shall not keep any screens from me. Don’t try to peek at your emails. I see you. Give me that phone. Trying to take a selfie? We’ll see about that.
Honor my request to run from you. Mom shall say “Time to change my diaper, Time to bathe, time to nap, time to put on clothes, time to leave.” All I heard was “time to run”
I shall talk and you shall acknowledge me. You kept pushing me to say my first word and now that I have, I talk nonstop. I will repeat words, phrases, and questions like a broken record.
You shall not get too mad when I get my clothes dirty. Seriously, you decide to put the toddler in “nice clothes”? You have only yourself to blame.
I shall not let you get anything done on time. Whatever you plan to do, add another 15 minutes to complete it. 30 if I’m in a bad mood.
Honor my home decor skills. By home decor, I mean toys. I spend hours laying them out in a meticulous fashion so they look great and have easy access. It’s also funny as hell when you trip on them.
You shall not covet anything expensive or delicate that you leave out. It is my every right to investigate the durability and waterproofness of objects around me. I’m only looking out for you.
I shall love you. I will have very funny ways of showing it. But the moment I say “I Love You” for the first time, your heart will melt, and you will remember that I am one of the best things that ever happened to you.