A while ago, I wrote about the most surprising things for a new military wife. As it turns out, a lot of military spouses wanted to add their own pieces of advice.
So after an extensive discussion, the question was “What is the BEST piece of advice you would give to new military spouses”? Here is 100+ pieces of advice TO new military spouses FROM military spouses.
Enjoy every precious moment together
Understand that this lifestyle is only temporary
Family First, Military Second, even though it may not always seem that way
Use Social Media only for good, not for evil
Don’t get sucked into drama
Lean on other military spouses for help because they understand and have been there too
Sempre Gumby – Always be flexible!!
Be strong and patient.
Remember u don’t hold his rank, he does. U are there to support him and be there for him.
Take great care of YOURSELF! That makes everything easier.
Military life is what you make of it.
Be prepared to be both parents if you have children. And don’t hesitate to put your foot in his arse when they forget you are their spouse and talk to you like you’re a private.
Keep living your life
Remember that your spouse is missing you just as much as you miss them. And while they are gone don’t waste that precious phone call by complaining, that will cause worry for them.
Be nice to your fellow wives even if they aren’t what you would normally consider someone that you’d hang out with. When the going gets tough (and it will) they will be the ones that are there to help you.
Don’t sacrifice everything for them… Remember yourself and what you want.
Avoid the commissary on payday, and don’t burn bridges. You never know who will be your neighbor at your next duty station.
Be careful who you’re friends with…………
Learn patience, support your spouse, don’t just leave them when it gets rough or lonely. It’ll make you both stronger than ever as a couple. MILSOs stick together always! Don’t be afraid to ask questions and be ready for unexpected/short notice changes! Never expect for things to go the way they say lol! Expect to cry, it’s normal. Welcome to the family
Coach bags are NOT a necessity.
Make at least eight copies of everything, and keep an up to date Big Book of Everything, to include account names, login and passwords, phone numbers and addresses.
Don’t forget who you are! Don’t run home to mommy every time your spouse deploys! Your home is where you are currently stationed, not with your parents! If you have children you need to be the stable force in their lives, keep their lives as normal as possible, they have enough stress with one parent going away often! Enjoy all of your assignments, every place has some amazing people to get to know and super places to explore!
Support your spouse, when things get rough remember those wedding vows in sickness and health, good times and bad times. I’ve been that military spouse, retired spouse now. When he wants to quit be his support hold him up and always encourage. Last, keep God first in all that you do.
Do not wear your spouse’s rank; developed your own career path!
Get an education then a job that makes equal or more money than him or her. Stay in shape and keep your girlfriends! Do activities outside of the military! (Infantry wife for 22 yrs)
Don’t have any expectations because things change constantly. Be flexible. Have patience. Be open minded & support your spouse in any way possible because they want to be home with you as much as you want them home. Be strong but remember it’s ok to cry once in a while if it helps relieve stress.
Be careful who you’re friends with.
Hurry up and wait! And get USAA.
If you and your spouse decide you need marriage counseling, do not go to Mental health at any clinic or hospital on any base or fort. Patient doctor confidentiality does not really exist. The therapist can report and start an investigation, without telling you, against a military member or his spouse for something as simple as a bad argument and call it emotional maltreatment. Where as in a civilian counseling, there is patient doctor confidentiality and under law the only way the therapist can report something is if there is physical abuse or imminent danger to someone.
Remember they keep their benefits you get nothing.
Listen to your husband and try to learn as much as possible about your hubby’s jobs
Pray a lot
Many men work late and travel for their jobs. His career does not define you. Your job is to be his wife, and pursue your own goals and ambitions the same as if you married a plumber.
Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Communication. Support one another.
Above all, be independent. Honestly, I did not use any special privileges or programs when my husband deployed, and it was the best way to go. I have one friend I’ve made in the five years we’ve been here, and that’s been perfect. Also, don’t be afraid to realize and accept when the military life is not the right path for you and yours anymore. Don’t feel bad for spoiling yourself, ON A coach purse for example.
Don’t feel bad for going home during a deployment, kids or not. Above all, do what is best for you and your family, regardless of what his coworkers or any friends say.
dont go to the commissary on payday!!!!
It’s never fair. It’s never easy. Remember this when you want to start a family. Remind them to leave the boots at the door and remember you have an individual personality when they come home. Stand up for yourself and make yourself heard. We spouses put up with a lot and bc we don’t get the glory doesn’t mean walk all over me. Demand respect too. I rely a lot on my family when I’m homesick.
Stay strong and understanding. The one thing I learned 20 yrs my husband was in was to keep my mouth shut!!! Even if they tell you they won’t get in trouble they will!! Believe me when I say they would love to be at home all the time they can’t, because they have a job to do. Just love and support them and remember you will be doing everything on your own. Hopefully you can stay Army Strong.
Don’t expect support from the command section.
Don’t forget about yourself!
When he is deployed and calls home, don’t complain about everything that’s going on in your life. He has enough going on and if he’s constantly worried about what’s going on with you he won’t have his head in the game. Also-faith, trust and communication are key!
When at a sea going command find and meet your ombudsman. They are extremely helpful.
Get all legal documents together! Have a power of attorney, all bills and bank accounts on file. Also make sure (if able) email your hubby every day and keep your cell on hand if he is able to call. It feels like torture waiting but the payoff is wonderful! Above all stay faithful to your spouse! You are the anchor in the family. We all signed a document stating that our partners belonged to the government for the term. For those with kids check out the facebook group daddy dolls. They do more than just dads. Moms, aunts, uncles, grand parents….. It helps tons with separation issues!
Learn as much as possible about what is offered to help you before he leaves for training or deployment.
Stay strong, and understanding….
Be open for adventure and look for the positive in every situation!
Don’t have unrealistic expectations. Instead of always saying “I hope he doesn’t get deployed”, I say “when he gets deployed”. Not that I want it to happen, but I feel like it helps me cope by be realistic.
get use to never seeing your husband.
Rely on the support of other spouses and families. Don’t try to do it all yourself!! ( when your spouse is deployed)
I agree have patience communicate as often as you can continue to show encouragement for your spouse and be strong for yourself and your family
Have patience…and get used to “hurry up and wait.”
You’re stronger than you think!
Live one day at a time
Stay positive and active and remember your ombudsman can help in a true emergency and budget your finances
be grateful and appreciative..oh and always remember opsec when posting anything on social media…
Be independent not dependent. Be bigger than the drama and gossip that you will encounter. Meet people, get involved and big bigger than yourself.
God first/independence/strong will/patience/self sufficient/Bold/supportive/be ready for a change/be lighthearted and have an open heart and enjoy the ride; )
Patience and lots of love
Relax and enjoy the ride. You will love it.
Dont be afraid the ask for help, you’re not alone in this.
mind your business…
Go to the AFRC to get a list of all the programs. Take advantage of these programs, you deserve it. Stay connected. Keep the communication channels open. Talk to your spouse! You are in this together and your sacrifices are always appreciated.
Don’t expect it to be easy. Stay strong and take one day at a time.
Don’t let them call drunk. Never get them off the phone.
Befriend them but don’t always believe what other spouses say bc it might not be true
Support your spouse and be strong. Make friends in the military wife circle helps you through multiple deployments and gives you a lifetime of friends. Usmc infantry wife
Breathe deep. One day at a time. Don’t be too proud to ask for help. Breathe deep! Have fun, make friends, network! Breathe deep!
Be supportive no matter the situation. I’ve been put into a lot of situations that made me angry or frustrated but it’s always been very important in my marriage to let my husband know that I wasn’t mad or frustrated with HIM specifically. Your spouse should always be 100% certain that you him/her no matter what. That works both ways too though
You are not alone. Be strong, ask for help and get out into the community.
Remember that you married a military person, do not get angry or disappointed when their duty requires them to be away from home. Instead, support them and their military brothers and sisters.
Take care of yourself also.
Communicate with your spouse. Be prepared to spend months or years apart. Keep God first. Don’t sacrifice your dreams. Love each other. Share responsibility. Don’t go to bed mad. Work together. Tell them everyday you love them.
You are not alone!
Have patience and be flexible.
Have faith and get to know the other spouses
Be Patient, be strong and be understanding after a deployment from war. One major key is communication!! Don’t forget trust!!
You get out of it exactly what you put into it.
Support, Patience, trust and understanding that he’s going to miss birthdays,holidays, anniversary and that you are going to move all over the place and be expected to drop everything on a dime and pack up a house and ship a car and fly halfway across the world with three kids by yourself without freaking out and without thinking everything is gonna go wrong cause it won’t it will be fine just have a little faith
You’re committed to him go where he goes and be supportive.
Keep everything in a safe. Try to stay positive. Remember at some point in the crazies, you will get to rest and sleep.
You need to be ready for anything and everything that may happen.
Hang in there. ..it’s well worth it !
Be as flexible and as full of love as humanly possible.
Be yourself and stand by your spouse. But don’t take crap from their superiors.
Never expect anything because change happens day by day.
Everything is subject to change! Communication is key
Communicate and some more communication.
You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have
Get through one day at a time.
Stay humble, every spouse has different obstacles some easier and some tougher than yours. Find you that few good friends you can trust and rely on each other during deployments. You do not have to deal with it all alone. Ask for help and give help when needed. And finally do not gossip. It always comes back to bite u in the butt.
Be flexible and be open -minded. You never know where you will end up and who you will meet. Each assignment is a new adventure.
Anyway keep busy. And stay involved .
Get involved in Activities at your new station ! Stay busy when they are gone time will go faster .
Take a links class!
Get a job so you’re not asking for milk 2 days after payday. Oh and Birth Control, get birth control
Everything is subject to change at the last minute so be flexible and understanding
Hang on for a crazy ride that will never make sense. Make the most out of all your experiences!
Get a strong relationship with God!
One day at a time! Be read for unplanned changes!
Laugh, Love and don’t sweat the small stuff.
Have thick skin!
There’s a book, the (branch) spouse’s survival guide. If you are new to military life, buy the book. It will save you time and embarrassment.
Support, love, communication and perseverance… If you love him/her you should not give up.
Yes it’s what u make it… Stay strong and stay together. Spend as much time as family things, dinners, lunch, outings, most of all have a strong church home and have God in your life…, plus yes have a back up extra spending $$ plan, cuz things will pop up…., I experienced all that…. Still do
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