My husband and I are pretty honest with each other. That doesn’t mean that there aren’t certain things I want to say to him. I hold back because frankly, it’s not worth the extra questions or the epic battle in some cases. I’m sure there are things he would like to tell me as well.

Military wives, husband


While discussing with other military spouses, I found that we want to say a lot of things in common which is where this list came from. Here are 18 things Military wives (secretly) want to say to their husbands.

  1. I hate being called dependent
  2. I know being a military wife is not harder than your job, but it’s still pretty fricking hard! Cut me a break!
  3. I want to kick your boss in the nuts sometimes
  4. I don’t want to resent you for the loss of my career because I supported yours, but there are times I feel jealous that you’re progressing in your career while I’m not.
  5. I’m scared of what the future will be like once this military lifestyle has ended
  6. Why are officers such douchebags?
  7. Why are enlisted members such douchebags?
  8. Just because I “knew what I was getting into” doesn’t mean you can throw it in my face every time I vent
  9. No offense, but I’m more around to parent, so I feel as though what I say, goes
  10. I’m more around to parent, why do the kids like you more?
  11. I wonder what life would be like if you weren’t in the military
  12. It makes me feel good when the gate guard hits on me
  13. I pretend to like your coworkers wives when really I just miss my friends back home.
  14. All those people you introduced me to at the ball… I remember not one name.
  15. Yes, you have been putting on weight. Buck up so you can pass the physical.
  16. Every time you deploy, I’m 99.9% sad, and 0.01% happy (you kinda have been pissing me off lately)
  17. Please get out of the military early
  18. Please don’t EVER leave the military

Do you hold back? Or do you tell your husband stuff outright?


Need more on military life? Check out the Ultimate Handbook for modern military spouses and significant others.

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139 Comments on 18 Things Military Wives (secretly) Want to Say to Their Husbands

  1. LOL!!! I love it! Although for #8, some of us have been at this for so long that what we “were getting into” didn’t exist back then. 😉
    Well done!

  2. I don’t tend to hold back, until it comes to parenting. I once got pissed he wouldn’t change her diaper and I mentioned that I do it a hell of a lot more due to his time away. I got a friggin earful from one of his coworkers about how unfair that was since he doesn’t get the choice. I was like “uh, back off.”

    • Junior’s first 3 months were just like that. Diaper changes always led to arguments… we’re past that point though (thankfully!). thanks for stopping by!

    • Being in the military is a job. It is not an excuse to slack off at home. The service member chose it. I hope you gave them the “what for” right back. Also, one of my pet peeves is when they tell your husband to “control your woman.” Trust me, you thought I was mad before? Ha! See how nice I am now.

        • My husband’s Chief told him when he started at his command that he needed to put his foot down at home. It was his 2nd day there and he was just “giving him advice” and his Cheif was the one having problems at home. Thankfully, my husband knows that doesn’t fly to well…

          • it’s like that, isn’t it? with the the military lifestyle, personal stuff always gets mixed into professional stuff. thanks for reading

      • I glared daggers into his soul! Hubs became a lot more understanding since we’ve been on shore and he’s gotten to spend time alone with our little girl. He’s been here for potty training, so I think that makes up for it lol ;P

        • lol. Oh man, I’m dreading potty training. we have a boy, so maybe I can push gently nudge him into taking on more of the work with that.

    • My husband was deployed when my our son was born at 33 weeks. He came home to an 8 months old. I resented what he hadn’t dealt with medically at first. Then we quickly fell into a routine together. Diapers were handled with a quick “NOT IT!” game. 🙂 I’d say we changed the same amount of diapers after he got home. 🙂

  3. When my husband has been around for a while, no training or field exercise. I want to say to him “You need to go to the field for a few days, I need a break”
    Another one, “Volunteer me to lead another FRG with out asking 1st, AGAIN, and I’ll move back to my moms!”

      • Really though, if you’re a military spouse and you don’t feel this way at least sometimes you are probably a stepford wife. We can’t just shut off human emotions because our husbands do the important job of defending our country. My husband would rather I feel and be opinionated. He married me BECAUSE I have an opinion about things and we don’t agree 100% of the time, that’s the beauty of it all. He didn’t want a cookie cutter 50’s Betty housewife, he wanted a strong woman who could take care of herself if need be and that includes having her own opinions. JD, this was not constructive, she didn’t even back up why she feels this way.

        • There’s a few of these I’ve thought but I don’t think I would ever say them or at least not in those exact words! 😉 Seems really snarky – like it was written either during major stress or that time of the month! Which is when I know I tend to be less than kind to the hubster … I can totally relate to the feelings and frustrations (we’ve been in 25 years this August and are currently doing the “branch dance” trying to figure out next assignment) and yet …. glad to know it was meant to be tongue in cheek ! 🙂

          • 25 years?! good for you guys! We’ll get there… one day… hopefully. Yes, the article was all in good fun. thanks for reading

    • Eva, please don’t judge. This is entertainment, and when you’ve been around a bit longer maybe you’ll develop a sense of humor as well. My husband and I have been married 18 years and he’s been in the military for 22. All I have left is a sense of humor. But please don’t make others feel worse about themselves, we are all in a weird jumbled world of acronyms, borrowed homes and sucky parenting shifts, if some of us laugh and vent so be it.

    • Get off your high horse! Take it for what it is worth and these ” awful things” are true. . You are probably one of those fake Key spouse wives that try to pretend that their life is fabulous and smells like roses.

  4. No, I’m not a bitch, so I don’t say OR think these things. You married him, you chose to ‘quit’ your previous life, if you don’t like it you can leave, you’re not held back by a ball and chain. Parenting is a two person job, when there are two parents that is. What you say goes when he is gone, when he around you have to compromise, that’s how it works. Being a wife isn’t hard. Period. Having to hold down the fort during deployments can be tough, but if you can’t handle it, maybe you should reconsider you choice to marry a service member. I can understand and relate to the stresses that come with being married to someone in the military, but some of these things have NOTHING to do with the lifestyle and everything to do with being an ungrateful bitch. It seems like some of these things are things that you need to tell your husband because withholding them is being dishonest in your relationship. It’s also painting you in a bad light, given that this is legitimately your thought train. Spouses who hold a job as well may have more reason to stress, but if your spouse, the service member, is bringing on the majority of the income, you sit down and shut the fuck up.

    • Whoa. This article wasn’t meant to be taken that seriously… except for the gate guard hitting on me. Love when that happens! I can always understand other people’s opinions. Thanks for stopping by!

    • Well you sure started that off incorrectly, because you are undoubtably a bitch. I’m pretty sure this list was meant tot be taken in jest but apparently some of you are too dense to realize that.
      However, let’s look at what you said.
      1) a lot of people are married before one of the couple joined the military so don’t assume anyone “quit” a previous life.
      2) if she’s still married after the deployments, then more than likely she handled it just fine.
      3) I don’t get your ungrateful bitch comment but then again, you didn’t get the humor inherent in this post.
      4) I’m sure she’s told her husband some of this stuff a time or two. What spouse wouldn’t complain about the crap we put up with in the military. On yeah, to quote another commentor, the dreaded military, stepford wife.
      5) no matter who is bringing home the majority of the income, (and it wouldn’t be hard for a spouse to make more since not even General officers are making all that much compared to decent civilian employment) if you think someone should “sit downed stfu, you have some serious issues.

      Anyway, my wife thought these were funny so I read them.

      • Robert,
        1) Thank you for reading understanding the inherent humor
        2) You get cool points for the day
        3) Some people get so worked up over a blog post and need to vent and call me names
        4) Those people are mean
        5) They DO NOT get cool points.

    • Um excuse me but you sound like an unhappy & ungrateful bitch yourself!! It’s an article that entertains people!! I’m a retired Navy spouse and I have used some of these lines in the past and my husband and I just laugh about it. If you are taking this serious then you need some help!!! People like you need to check yourself and take some Prozac!!

      Thanks JD for the humor!! Some people really get their panties in a stretch over nonsense!!

    • I wasn’t going to reply, but my husband did, and now I must 😉
      If you think being a wife isn’t hard, you’re obviously one of the very lucky ones who hasn’t faced a deployment with young children. My guy deployed 3 times (12 months, 15 months, and 12 months followed by 12 unaccompanied months in Germany) and I had a newborn each time… All in 5 years. During the third one, while he was in Germany, my 6 year old was diagnosed with leukemia, and I had a 1 and 4 year old at home as well. Tell me how that is EASY.
      Also, we were married BEFORE he joined the military, and are approaching 10 years together. There’s not much I like about the army, but I love him more than I dislike his job. I will say that the worst part would be the ” high and mighty” wives like you, who give all military wives a bad name. GTF over yourself and find a sense of humor. It’s a job. Sometimes it sucks, and venting is the only way to get through the awful.

    • Wow…because you have never in a million years thought in the back of your brain a single one of those things? You must be a saint! The fact is that every single one of us at one time or another have thought at least one of those things even if it’s just a momentary thing. Fact is that I have thought all of those things at one time or another…normally when I’m irritated about something but I don’t actually mean them (well except the PLEASE never get out of the military thing because frankly, civilian life terrifies me lol!) Please don’t make yourself out to be better than the rest of us. It just makes you look fake.

  5. I have never met a spouse who was afraid to say anything like this to their soldier. There should not be great in a marriage. Period. Not saying these things and suffering in silence is childish.

      • ..sometimes I tell him about the gate guard! Then I jokingly tell him he better step it up! Lol

        • Me too! Step it up! just kidding… sort of… maybe… no, for real. I’m just kidding. Unless he’s hot. Ok maybe not. Well, maybe. What were we talking about again? 😉

          • I find all of this list very funny except the one about the gate guard. That is honestly hilarious. My wife tell me the gate guard one all the time. Helps that I’m the gate guard

  6. This article is ridiculous. As a military wife, I relate to maybe 1 or 2 of these. If you don’t want to give up your career, then don’t. Nothing is forcing you to. Don’t use the military as an excuse to not work. Although it’s hard, I live apart from my husband because there’s no sense in sitting around by myself in a strange town while he deploys. Also, no one is forcing you to have kids. Who says you can’t wait a few years until he’s out (if he’s not making a career out of it). I know military wives have to be strong, but I swear, some of them are the most weak-minded individuals out there. And yes, that does make you “dependent.”

    • Wow, I can definitely commend you for living apart from your husband. That’s an extremely hard decision to make but it looks like you guys have made it work. thanks for stopping by.

    • Wow! No empathy from you.I am glad you are a strong woman and have your own life. Sounds to me you are more single than married. Most wives have to move every 2-3 years and may have a portable career- lucky them but for the rest it is very hard and when they can not get a job it does affect them emotionally and financially. Most active duty get in the service for a lifetime career so waiting to have children when he/she gets out is ridiculous You my lady, are not a true military wife because it sounds to me you are not willingly to sacrifice or have empathy for those that do. Military wives should build each other up not tear them down.

    • You must be mentally challenged! YOu don’t even know the true military lifestyle because you don’t live it. Live on a base away from your family, or even better another continent,and tell me that it doesn’t suck ass at one point or another. Woman like you need to keep their pie holes shut and stop assuming you know everything about our ( as in the real housewives of the armed forces) community. I sacrificed my career ( AF medic) so I wouldn’t have to leave my son and I gave the reins over to my hubby. Some people love kids and want them. Some people want them and if it wasn’t for the military they wouldnt be able to afford to have a stable family. So please do us all a favor and refrain from commenting on topics you are clueless about.

    • Let’s talk about this “career” thing for a second. I got my teaching degree in a different state than we are currently stationed in. It took over a year to finally receive that transfer of certification, so now I can finally apply for jobs, three months before the school year starts again. January will be three years on station, so we’ll be moving again before the school year ends. Meaning I won’t be able to land a job, though hell or high water will not stop me from trying. Currently I work as a secretary part time. It sucks a lot, my passion is teaching, but that’s the sacrifice I’ve had to make in this life. So no, I didn’t have the choice to keep my career. I HAD to give it up.

  7. I’m not a military wife and I don’t pretend have an idea on what it’s like. The closest I’ve been, is a long distance relationship. Nonetheless, this article sounds like you’re using the military as an excuse for not having the life you wanted, and that’s not fair. There is no reason you can’t pursue your own career, as a military wife. It’s harder, but if that’s something very important to you, then you can make it work. Seccondly, your kids don’t like your husband more. They just don’t see him as often as they see you, and therefore it’s a treat for them. They are just as scared as you are, that he might not come home. Cut them some slack. Finally, don’t hold the fact that your husband’s in the military against him, when he tries to be a parent to your kids. No offense, but you’re a team and should work together to raise your kids. Whether one person is around more, doesn’t give more “parent power” than the other. Don’t you think it’s just as hard for your husband to be not be able to see his own kids grow up, without you denying his right to be a parent too? Maybe you need to have an honest conversation about that. I think instead of spending time complaining on your blog site about your life, you should go out and do something with yourself. Don’t use your husbands career as an excuse to not do your own thing.

    • Check out my “contact” section, I kinda have “done my own thing”. This was just a fun article but I can respect other’s opinions. Thank you for reading.

    • Jen, let us know how that divorce works out for you. Why did you even marry your husband, if you can not move with him? I’ll say it, you knew what you were getting when you married a soldier, so short of you being an Army wife as long as I have been, you have no excuse for that crap.
      What would you know about an honest conversation, when you can’t even be wife enough to stand by your man? No, you’re far too selfish and care only about YOU.

      It’s obvious this was written with humor, so honey..suck it up or shut up and quit taking your own issues out on the author of this funny little post, that has some truths (for me) in it.

      JD, your sense of humor will get you through many deployments, TDY’s, and various separations!! 🙂

    • Since you are not a military wife, I don’t think you are entitled to an opinion here because you have no idea what an Army Wife goes through on a daily basis. Do not sit here and talk about this life as if you know it, because you know nothing about it. So keep your mouth shut and move on.

  8. I am as well a military wife and I was in the military when I met my husband, I got out when I had my children so not to leave them when deployments come around and I must say I got a good laugh out if this! I completely understand that this was not to be taken serious and yet it they are pretty freaking true. I loved all of them except 13… I don’t have anymore friends from “home” since I left for the military right after high school. But great job on not taking all the negative comments to heart… I don’t know if I would have been able to so the same. I will definitely coming back to enjoy more of your posts!

  9. Funny article which I’m sure some of the readers are taking more seriously than I believe the article was intended. I am a military wife and there are a couple of comments I can relate too firsthand and from conversations with other mil. spouses. There have been times when I find myself at outings where I meet lots of people whose name I forgot shortly after. Of course, that could happen in the civilian world but moving every couple of years in the military increases the chances of forgetting coworkers names. Yes, my kids adore their dad even though I spend more time with them because of his job. I love how they love and appreciate the time they have with him rather than feel bad because his job takes him away from them. Even the happiest person can wonder how their life would be if their spouse was a civilian, there is a difference. Being a military spouse is not the same as being a civilian spouse but that’s not a negative or positive thing. It’s just reality that I wouldn’t change:)

    • Here, here Monie. I wrote this in 20 min during my son’s nap. I completely agree with you that “Being a military spouse is not the same as being a civilian spouse but that’s not a negative or positive thing”, it’s just our reality.

  10. I wasn’t going to comment but saw all the strong reactions. I am new to the military lifestyle. My husband and I joined while our daughter was about 9months old. I quit a great job/ career that paid extremely well and have had to start again from the bottom and I have a feeling that it will continue to happen in some capacity each time we move for a while. I don’t resent my husband for the choice he made and what he felt was best for our family at the time and I support him 100%, hence us being here in the military. This is a whole new lifestyle for us and I am a very independnt person. I also hate being called a “dependent” For me the hardest adjustment was becoming a “plus 1” so to speak.
    I do hold somethings back. For the exact reason that JD had I feel that something’s are my own issue to work out and some it’s just a little thing that isn’t worth an argument. My husband and I are very honest with each other I just reserve my strong opinions or feelings that will lead to an argument for things that really are important to me for my family.
    I agree with some of these and some we just haven’t been in long enough for. But I don’t have to agree or disagree with all of them. These are her feelings and thoughts and I thank JD for sharing them with us because things like this make us feel less alone in this lifestyle. I don’t care who you are but having to quit you job or career every 2-4yrs and start again at each duty station is a bitch and definitely feels like a setback each time.
    I feel that when your husband is deployed (as mine is right now) or even when they are home sometimes you have to revolve your schedule around his and your families around his ( to a point of course) but I feel that his job is hard and he must make sacrifices and so do my daughter and I. I don’t put my sacrifices above his or his above mine. I am determined to have the life I want but also as together with my family as possible. So no the military life is NOT an excuse for me but threw an extra few wrenches into the mix. Not like civilian life doesn’t have wrenches thrown in as well but they are different setbacks, very different ones. I am a strong, driven, motivated person. Some army wives are that way and some are of an entirely different make up. Also when my husband is gone life goes on and we try to incorporate him into as much as we can but I think what JD was trying to say is when he’s gone for a long period of time many of the day to day things are decided by you. You are the one at home and have to do what works best for you and the family while he is gone. When my husband comes back we will all readjust to the best of our ability but in the same way I respect his job and his choices I would not like him to come home and try to change everything and what we have made work and our routine he should respect that as well and have respect for our work here at home.
    This is his home as well as ours and we will all compromise some things. In our relationship there is no “head of the household” it is the both of us and sometimes he can take the lead and sometimes I can take the lead.
    Also for those who did post strong negative comments. I will use Danielle’s post as an example that there are weak minded and strong minded individuals in every walk of life so to group it into “some military wives are weak minded” and some things you said would be like someone saying you don’t support your husband because you chose to live apart and you are not putting your family first but your own needs first. Or that you may only relate to so few of these because you DONT live on a military post all the time. So to be clear Danielle I am just playing devils advocate and I am not saying you don’t support you husband or that you are selfish . I DONT KNOW YOU OR YOUR LIFE OR YOUR MARRIAGE you chose what is best for you and your family to the best of your knowledge and ability. so I wouldn’t cast so many stones all of you who had such harsh comments.
    Some of these comments I’ve read we’re interesting to say the least and as I said earlier we don’t all have to agree on everything but I thank JD for putting herself out there for her blog.


    • Hi Jessica, this is so awesome. I read every word of your comment. Just recently I’ve had to quit the most amazing job in the most amazing area with the most amazing coworkers. It sucked. A lot. Could my husband gone unaccompanied? sure… But I chose my family. Now that we have a little one, and my husband is gone, I feel like I know what’s best for my son because I’ve been there day and night, through colic, through teething, through emergency doctor’s visits, etc. I know my husband loves and wants to be there for my son. and I just have to work on readjusting when we’re all back together again like you said.

      As far as the negative comments go… I haven’t deleted any because I’m no “blog punk”. lol, some people can be haters… and some people just need a hug. Thank you so much for your support.

    • As a female military member I am offended by dependents who say “We joined” If you did not sign the DD Form 4, you did not join, your spouse did. Unlike your military member, you can go back to mommy at any time.

      • Sally,
        Well we married into it right? I am a female veteran married to active military. So I suppose I see your point. However, realize we do give up rights just as our spouses do. There may not be as many but just as it was my choice to marry a military member it was his to sign the dotted line or in this case your choice. Nobody forced you.

  11. I found the list very entertaining. My husband is retired from the military and the adjustment is difficult, but I think many things on this list have been said in my house or at least thought once.

  12. JD Great article I myself am a service member with the Army, I had a nice laugh about it. I called my wife a dependent once and only once haha. But good article I’m sure at one point or another every spouse has thought at least a couple of these. Keep up the great writing and have fun with what you do, that’s the great things about these blogs are the extremes of eacg opinion

    • You called your wife dependent… to her face?… flag on the play.

      …just kidding.

      Thanks for the kind words. After reading some of the comments from negative nancies and hatin’ harriets, it’s nice to see that someone understood that this blog is all in good fun.

  13. Hahahaha dependas. What do you mean “The military lifestyle?” You mean sitting around bitching all day on Facebook? Or telling Lance Corporals to respect you because of your husbands rank?

    • Glenn, I wish I could sit around all day. Making sammiches. Ordering junk off ebay. Maybe one day.

      For now, I got a full-time job outside the home, a healthy baby boy, a hot-mess of a beagle that chews on everything, this blog that I run as a hobby, and my husband who understand that my sammich making days are long gone.

      • Learn how to spell the word “sandwich”.
        I can’t fucking stand military wives. At no point did he mention making sandwiches. He addressed the fact that dependents get this overinflated sense of entitlement in their heads. You are not in the military. You do nothing for the military. You are a dependent. Remember that.

          • Wow… to everyone with such rude comments… if you don’t like it, then just leave the blog page and don’t read it. Didn’t your parents ever tell you, if you have nothing good to say, don’t say anything at all, or silence is golden?

            This is written for your entertainment, for fun and for some, venting. Not your thing? Then go find it elsewhere and maybe say something nice there instead of wasting your time being rude here.

            I’m a military wife and even though not all these things I read (similar blogs and so on) relate to me and my way of life, I still always enjoy reading these for entertainment! I get a chuckle out of them and move on. Which is the purpose of most of these blogs.

            I would like to thank JD for writing this… it’s fun to read and people really do need to lighten up a bit. No one way of life is the same, military or civilian. No reason to leave rude comments.

          • Thanks for the support. Really, it is just for entertainment. Not everyone has to agree. But no need to be rude. Some people just need a hug.

        • Wow John, I bet we could come up with about 18 more things we’d like to tell you but don’t…. however we have manners.
          Like people said previously, if this blog bothers you, hit the back button and go read something else. If no one ever told you, then here you go, If you’ve can’t say anything nice then don’t say anything at all.

  14. I thought it was funny. I also find it funny when people want to be so insanely critical over a blog post.

  15. Some people are really taking this to heart. And shouldn’t be. It is obviously meant to be a light hearted commentary on the life of being a military wife. I personally think these a few times, and don’t think others. Just the way it is. I think it’s funny. I do enjoy being hit on by the gate guards, being hit on by anyone actually is very flattering to a woman. Especially on days that have been pretty rough. I tell my husband though. ( so he knows other men think he is lucky. Hehehe) Thank you for writing your opinions for us. (We are still in America right were opinions are legal and acceptable?)

  16. Before I became a military spouse I heard one saying she couldn’t wait for her husband to go back to the field; I thought “what a horrible woman, why did she marry him in the first place?” A couple of years into my marriage I totally got it! Funny article, most of the points I can relate to including the parenting. Nobody is perfect and one shall not judge others!

  17. I just randomly came across this blog on facebook. I am also a VERY new wife of a Marine. I have read over all these comments and have to say I commend JD for her patience with everyone’s attack on her sharing her thoughts with us. I see many sides and at the end of the day everyone’s situation is different, which ultimately leads us to make the decisions we do or have. These blogs should be used to support, laugh, and cheer each other on as we are all alike in one big way…..MILITARY. Also, I am pretty sure Jessica just took all the words right out of my mouth. Beautifully said. 🙂 Good luck t o everyone!

    • Hi Stacey, thanks for the support and kind words. I think people tend to forget that I am also human. That I am someone’s wife, someone’s daughter, someone’s mother, someone’s friend. Most of these people would never say what they have said about me to my face. Just have to keep my head up, that’s all.

  18. #7 excuse me? I guess this would be coming from an officer’s wife? This is ridiculous. Being as my husband is enlisted, knowing how hard he works, MY #7 would be, “Why are officers such douchebags?”

  19. I read these to my husband and we both said yes to almost all of them. This is so funny thanks. Being a military spouse for the past 14 years and 7 of them overseas, you are immersed in the military literaly. I love my life even with the ups and downs and this is a great outlet. I am serious enough to do what is needed but not so serious that you can’t joke about some of the things we go through to support our husbands. Yes it is a choice and I choose my husband and my children. I would never let my husband go for several years without me. Yes you end up in a strange place but that is the part that is so awesome. I guess you have to be in it totally to know this. You take the good with the bad. Thanks again for the laugh, I totally needed it.

  20. As an officers wife, I have asked more often why are officers such douche bags. Not him, but some others. He has 30 years in.
    We have had 1 agreement since day 1, no secrets except those he is required to keep due to his job. We talk through most things, some times I will send him a message titled rant and let it all out, he will read it, write a response then re read it later and usually send me something different, usually ” I love you, thanks for being understanding”.

    • That’s a great idea: sending a message labeled “rant”. I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, which tends to cause more fights. Need to work on that. Your husband’s response is awesome. He gets cool points.

  21. I was in the military when we got married. I’ve been a military spouse for a long time now (long enough that now, in addition to a husband in the military, our oldest is, as well).

    While I can’t say that I’ve been able to relate to every point you made, I’ve had some of those thoughts at one time or another. I’ve also had friends who have had some of those thoughts at one time or another. Some of those “thoughts” the same ones I had, some different. (And, by the way, I completely get that there is a difference between having a thought and wallowing in that feeling “long term” – something that apparently a lot of the commenters don’t seem to get…)

    While I don’t relate to all of them, I do relate to what I see as you trying to take what can sometimes be painful or frustrating things and find the humor in it, and to identify a commonality among us in an environment where we often don’t have anything else in common but what our loved one does.

    I admire that, and I thank you for the smile this list brought me.

  22. Wow! Lots of negative criticism on here but don’t worry I can take a joke so, thanks for the laugh. Keep it up 😉

  23. I thought it was funny. #13 made me laugh out loud. It’s not that I don’t like my new friends, but geez…I MISS my good friends…who are scattered all over the globe. I’m sorry it hit some people so wrong. It really was just a joke.

    • Yeah, some people have really extreme reactions to it. I don’t get it, but whatevs. Read it, laugh (or not laugh), and move on. WE got more important things to worry about.

  24. First let me say, I got a kick out of reading the list. It was obviously written to be lighthearted and entertaining.
    Now, to the trolls. Get a life. You are no better or worse than the rest of us. I’m sure it felt soooo good hiding behind your computer and being jerks.

  25. I’m not a military wife but I commend all of u that are. Although I’m not one I COMPLETELY understand. I can honestly say I’ve grown up around the military. I was raised to respect and (I guess) be appreciative of our military. No… not a military brat, although my dad was drafted during Vietnam & only did 4 yrs (or so). My brother was a Marine, bro-in-law & nephew are Army. Any who, I had the privilege of living with my sis (on post) for about 9 mo and then again for another 6 mo or so. I am definitely NOT an expert but I saw A LOT in so little time lol. Shoot even I got hit on by the guard lol. But I’ve heard spouses say a few of these. I think even civilian couples feel this way. At least, I am. I wouldn’t be able to be in a relationship where I’m around the person 24/7. We ALL need a breather here and there. You’re only human! I think lol keep doing what you do and props to you for not giving in to the negative vibes

  26. 19. When I suggest we go on a romantic vacation and you start listing off your upcoming TDY’s that I could accompany you on I just want to call you a jerk and walk off.

    • LOL! That’s totally happened to me too Kris! Seriously though, JD it was a great laugh. We are finally at the jumping off point in my husband’s career, so I’m working on finalizing my school, to take over my career again. Did I give up on my life? No. Did I choose to give my children a parent that could be 100% with them in their early years while their dad worked, or deployed, yes. I’ve always worked as well, but now as my husband’s military life is winding down I can devote more time to further my career if I like. I’ve known many wives that have successfully and happily remained at home as a full time parent/spouse with no regrets. And I’ve known other wives who have very successful careers. It’s the same choices civilian families have to make as well, lots of people move for careers these days.
      The saddest part is that others feel they should judge you or others for finding humor is light of some of our more tougher situations. I always feel that if you are writing something in response to someone, ie emails, blog, Facebook etc, you should make sure it is something you would say to their face as well. Don’t hide behind your computer and look down at others because those wagging fingers at others may soon find that those same problems or feelings are their own. Empathy and a sense of humor will get people much further in life versus condescension or hatred. Cheers to you JD and keep up the awesome blog!

  27. I am a military wife of 12 years. I have had wonderful jobs that I have had to leave because of PCS, I have had Churches that I loved and had to leave, friends that I had to say good bye too, I’ve experienced the difficult deployments and even more difficult returns, I have had to PCS months before my husband to a new location in order to get my kids in school at the beginning of the school year. I knew most of what I was getting into and I accept it. But it is inhuman to not feel a small amount of jealousy from time to time. Posts like this were you can express these feeling anonymously should be encouraged not ridiculed. I can tell my husband when the jealousy monster raises his head and we joke about it and we move on, but it took years to get to the point where I could vent to my husband without him feeling like I’m putting him on a guild trip. Many of our husbands know what we have sacrificed and they do feel guilt if we vent them and the last thing any of us want is to make our spouses feel bad we just need a place to let these feeling out so they don’t grow into resentment.

  28. I love the duality in a lot of these because I can ABSOLUTELY relate!! I was an army brat so when my then-boyfriend said he was joining the USAF I was like YESSSS!! It’s almost 10 years later and we’re married with a toddler and most of these still apply lol. I just feel fortunate that he was also a military brat so we kinda both “knew what we were getting into” in this life. I wouldn’t trade it for the world!
    P.S. Stepford wives aren’t made for military men. 😉

  29. I am a Soldier and an army wife. This post is funny but you should write something for those of us who serve in both ways, it will be interesting to read. Thanks for the laugh.

  30. I thought these were funny. I related to some, the ones I didn’t relate to, I just sort of moved on from. I was totally shocked to see so many sensitive people leaving such rude comments. The class and maturity (and humor) with which you responded to these people shows what a class act you are. Just thought I’d add to the positive and say thanks for giving me a chuckle.

  31. My husband and I have had conversations on a lot of these points over the past ten years. I don’t keep things to myself…. We don’t have kids so we haven’t had to deal with the parenting issues. I will say that I know, without a shadow of a doubt in my heart, that I prefer being a spouse over being a Soldier (#2). I enlisted three years AFTER we got married partly because it had really sunk in for me how difficult having a career was going to be (#4 and #1). It is really easy to say that you can have a career if you want one, but a lot of that depends on what your career field is, what the job market is, and some personal choices. It’s something that I don’t judge other spouses on because I know how hard it was for me because of my educational background and specific professional experiences. Let’s just say that I have completely changed career fields since getting married because the availability of diplomatic work with the Foreign Service around military posts is nil. My husband has been worth it and I regret nothing, but that doesn’t mean that it was an easy decision to make or follow through on and I don’t judge other spouses for the choices they make on career issues. Everybody has a different story and situation and you have to do what is right for you and your family. Anyway, I was the only Officer’s spouse I knew that joined the military after getting married. He went to Captain’s Career Course and I went to Basic Training and AIT. (#6 & #7: Douchebag should be a rank add-on almost like an additional skill identifier because God only knows that there are people that act like it is one.) I got out two years ago and the entire experience was a real eye opener. I used to think a lot of the things he did and said were his own personal brand of craziness. Nope, they were due to the military and I say and do them now too. LOL! The one thing that has changed in our marriage is that I am a billion times more relaxed now and don’t get my panties in a twist over stupid things anymore. I understand him a lot better. I get up with him every morning and we sit down together and have breakfast before he leaves. Mornings are incredibly important to me now because it is the time that you have together before any thing else happens to potentially put you in a bad mood. On the days when he really doesn’t want to go in, I thank him for going to work and he knows I mean it because I know what he is about to deal with. Your article is funny and pretty close to home for a lot of people, including me. #3 made me laugh out loud because we have had that discussion too. Thanks. By the way, I am seriously impressed by the way you handled some really negative and hateful comments with true grace. Just keep doing what you’re doing. Illegitimi non carborundum. 🙂

    • Wow, that is really impressive for you to be an officer’s wife AND THEN join the military. Dual military couples usually meet when they’re both in. That must have taken a lot of courage, because while I’m still eligible to join… I’m a scaredy-cat. So kudos for you for doing it for a couple of years. 100% agree that I’d rather be a spouse than AD. I didn’t realize that an article I wrote in 20 minutes would elicit such extreme reactions. Like really? You don’t have better things to be angry at? lol.

      • I don’t recommend joining unless it’s something you really want to do. LOL! Spouses should really feel good about whatever choices they make regarding work or staying at home as long as whatever choice they make is the right one for them and their families The rest of us just need to get over ourselves and quit thinking that our opinions on other people’s lives matter. Glad you liked the quote. It is pretty amazing how ugly people get online. Just keep doing what you’re doing and know that you are making more people laugh than you are getting mad. Someone is always going to be the party pooper. And if there are military spouses out there who have NEVER experienced any of these feelings, then good for them. In the meantime, at least you are doing something that makes most people relate to each other rather than breaking them down or creating a bigger divide. I’d rather know there are other spouses out there feeling the same way than feeling alone. Have a lovely day!

  32. My wife tagged me in this post on fb. To be honest, I was more interested in reading the comments. It’s funny to me how some wives feel like they’re better than others because they “handle” deployments and field ops better than others. The military isn’t a hate organization. Quit fighting over a humor blog written by one person. Put your big girl panties on and accept someone else’s opinion.

  33. After reading the comments I think the hardest part of being a military spouse is being stereotyped. Not all spouses are the same. You can be a good supportive wife and still mourn for what you may have given up without being a “bitch” Some of your comments reek of bitterness and hate but you are pointing a finger at the writer…. How dare a military spouse be proud! How dare you have feelings! How dare you complain about the things/time you have given up! Your ONLY a spouse your feelings don’t matter! …. Blah blah blah I hope you get knocked off your high horses.

  34. So Loved IT! Funny! I have to say something I wish I was cute or young enough to get hit on at the gate like I used to LOL! 13 years = gray hair. That’s not just military life that’s being married and 3 kids and 9 moves. God bless anyone who is strong enough to survive through multiple deployments and stay married. Marriage is work in itself let alone a long distance one thanks for making me laugh as we are getting ready to move again =P

  35. @ Ashtin, the same thing happened to me. MY husband was told to control his wife unfortunately my husband was too pissed off at his senior to ask how this came about. We never did find out. #16 cracks me up! My husband doesn’t deploy he flies a lot and there are times when I ask ” you are getting on my nerves, when is the next mission you can get on?” Life in the military is never dull, hard but not dull!

  36. I relate to many of these. However, I feel no need to hold them back from my husband! lol. I usually preface “vents” with “Honey, I’m frustrated and I just need to get it out and I need you to listen. Then I will be totally fine.” cue the spew. When I tell him up front what I need from him, he handles it just fine.

    #1 I don’t mind “dependent” but I HATE “dependa!” I don’t even understand the animosity toward wives from other soldiers, especially female soldiers.
    #3 I FREQUENTLY want to kick his boss in the nuts. All of the bosses he has had in 9 years. I think I get more upset about ridiculous big Army crap than he does. lol.
    #12 I always tell him if the gate guard hits on me! And we just laugh and laugh and laugh. Cause I’m old enough to be their mother.
    #18 I am terrified of getting out. I love military life so much! just cause we whine from time to time doesn’t mean it isn’t WONDERFUL. As if civilians don’t whine……

  37. No need to compete with your husband. You’re work is far more important:

    “The wife at home, who is caring for children, is doing fully as great a work as the father and husband. The mother is a home missionary whose cares and anxieties and burdens frequently far exceed those of the husband and father. Her work is a solemn and important one…. if she works for the best interest of her family, seeking to fashion their characters after the divine Model. The recording angel writes her name as one of the greatest missionaries in the world. God does not see things as man’s finite vision views them.” — Adventist Home, p. 235

    God bless…

  38. JD! Enjoyed this article and marvel at the comment chain. Thanks for your transparency and being willing to laugh about things you can’t change. I love the way you answer each comment, positive or negative, with an open and accepting, “Thanks for stopping by.” 😀 This says as much about your resilience and strength as does your article.
    I’m not a military wife, but I know many amazing women who are and have had the pleasure of working with many military families. I do know what it is like to be in a situation that “sucks ass” and I choose to laugh more than I cry about it. We all have that choice. Thanks for the reminder . Keep up the great work. <3

  39. It’s sad that you feel defined by what your husband’s job is. My husband just happens to be military; I just happen to be his wife. We define ourselves by the people we are not the institutions we work for. As for being a “military wife”, I’m a teacher with a M.A. in my field and my best friend, also a “military wife,” is a practicing lawyer. This article is demeaning. And the fact that you secretly have a piece of you that wants deployment is not funny and playful, it’s sick.

    • You obviously have some problems of your own to sort out if you don’t think you are a military wife. If you are married you are a wife, and if he happens to be in the military. You are a military wife. Suck it up it is just a title. And in my opinion I am glad to be called a military wife because I am very proud of my husband and what he has done. And you are not better than anyone else on here so get off your high horse and pull your head out of your ass. And as for the wanting to be deployed thing. If you would actually read it and pay attention (instead of going through and pulling things out to bitch about that you don’t like) you would see that she said she is more sad than happy. Of course there will be just a tiny bit of happiness knowing that our husband is going to do a great think called protecting our freedom and his country, that many people would not dare to do. And the fact that we get a little break from him is kinda nice to. But don’t be a stuck up bitch thinking that anyone on here is super happy that their husband leaves because that is total bullshit and you know it. Everyone is obviously going to be upset when their husband leaves them to go to a war zone. You’re ignorant if you think otherwise. But we all know he is doing what he signed up for and we are here to support him and be there for him through the entire thing. If you think this article was demeaning you didn’t have to read it. But do not sit here and break someone else down for your own joy and pleasure. That is bullshit. So go somewhere else with your “opinions” because no one here wants them.

  40. Loved the post – and am consistently amazed by the people who feel the need to put down someone they don’t know. Do you really have nothing better to do than tear down someone else today? Being a military spouse doesn’t have to be the ONE definition of yourself, but the fact remains that if you are married to someone in the military, some aspect of your life/who you are will be “military spouse.” For the record, when I met/fell in love with my husband, he wasn’t in the military and I had no idea he would be – but when he decided to do it, I also made a decision to move with him. Do I regret it? No. Do I wish he hadn’t decided to join? Sure, sometimes. Everyone has fleeting thoughts like those in this list, it’s called human emotion. Just because you signed up for a certain lifestyle doesn’t mean you have to LOVE every aspect of it. For those who say “you knew what you were getting into” I say, have you never had a bad day at work where your boss got on your case for no reason? Well, get over it, because you knew what you were getting into by going to work for someone else. Or a coworker annoyed you by not doing their share – get over it, you knew what you were getting into. The tendency to tell people they are NEVER allowed to be unhappy about something, even if they are overall happy about their life/job/whatever, is crazy.

    My husband is getting out with a medical discharge after 3 & a half years, so we are heading back to our home state (within the next two weeks!) but hey, being a military spouse (among other titles lol) has certainly taught me a lot about patience, flexibility, communication…and that there are ALWAYS going to be people out there who want to make you miserable just because they themselves are miserable. Thanks for the post JD, and good luck to everyone continuing the military career or just joining it. It’s a wild ride sometimes 🙂

  41. Hahaha, loved these! It’s nice to have something to reference in the occasional vulnerable/human moment and know I’m not alone in thinking these things 🙂 And this is coming from a woman who has worked for the Army and loves it just as much as my other half does. It’s a roller coaster ride, and knowing there are people out there brave enough to speak the truth and offer support to other spouses is awesome and inspiring. Thank-you JD!!

    • PS – I’m trying very hard not to say mean things to the people who have said mean things to you. I’ll settle for saying I can tell that you love your husband, are proud of him, supportive of him, and I respect that you are so real with yourself (and him, as I’m sure he reads your posts ;P ). We all have our ways of coping, and some people I guess cope by putting others down. I’m sorry for that. I’m glad to see you rising above and not letting them discourage you 🙂

  42. I despise when people say “You knew what you were getting into.” Does anyone ever really know what they are getting themselves into?? No one has a magic crystal ball that allows them to see into their future. If we did, we’d probably all have made many, many different choices in our lives!

    No matter how much you think you know, or research, or plan, you never truly know what you are getting yourself into, until you are actually INTO it. I grew up a military brat. I lived my entire life on a military base. Lord knows I sure THOUGHT I knew what I was getting into! But what I thought, what I experienced as a military brat, is nothing compared to what I’m experiencing as a spouse.

    My husband was already well into his career when we met. I was just finishing my college degree. We hit it off, and being a military brat, I thought nothing of him being military. I KNEW the life! I was actually excited to be back in it!

    When we started dating, he told me he was gone a lot. Well, turns out ‘a lot’ is a relative term. I compared ‘a lot’ to my experience of my dad being gone (during the Clinton administration… so it was very rarely). Turns out ‘a lot’ for my husband meant 5 combat deployments in 6 years and too many TDYs to count. In fact, once it became apparent that ‘a lot’ was faaaar more ‘a lot’ than I had anticipated it was too late, and we were in too deep. I had calculated the time he had been gone one year, and sent him a message (he was on a month long TDY, sending me a message of his next 6 week TDY, with just a week in between), that “Had I known you’d be gone 3/4 of our time, I’d never would have dated you! I didn’t sign up for a long distance relationship!” Obviously, I made the choice to stick with him. We were too in love, and having him in my life, albeit it long distance, was what I wanted. But what sort of choice is that? Don’t get him at all, or get him at a mostly long distance? Meager choices.

    I had a college degree and a career I thought I could take everywhere. Little did I know DoD civilians would be taking up all the positions I would qualify for overseas, leaving me woefully under-employed. And who knows when and where you will live next and if your career options will be available to you in those places. Can you live apart from your spouse to continue a career? Sure, but what sort of choice is that? We love our husbands, we want a life with them. We may chose them over our careers. But we love our careers too… just not as much as the man. We may love them more than our careers. But it still sucks balls to have to give up a career you also love. And if we have kids, we need to factor that in too. Our children and husbands have a right to have a relationship. What are we saying when we choose to continue a career and live apart from our husbands, not allowing our kids to see their dad as much as possible?

    And despite all my preventions, I became pregnant… just to have my husband get tasked for a deployment during my pregnancy, child birth, and 5 months of our child’s life. Sometimes life has other plans. Could I have had an abortion? I guess. But what sort of choice is that??

    What people like some of these negative nancys seem to not realize is, while we may all have choices, there are times when the choices available all suck. Sometimes you are stuck choosing the least of the evils, but the least of the evils is still evil. Sometimes life just has other plans for us as well.

    And so unfortunately, we military spouses, who often find ourselves with very little control over many aspects of our lives find:
    the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.

    Just because we make the choice to live the life of a military spouse, doesn’t mean we have to like every moment of it. And just because we don’t like aspects of it, does not mean we should quit and run away from the hardships. This is life. There are good, and there are bad, and there is everything in between. And we have the right to rejoice in the good, and complain about the bad.

    And I’d LOVE to know when it became so taboo to bitch and complain about things that don’t go your way??? It’s not natural to live in a fake world of sunshine and rainbows! You need the bad to appreciate the good!

  43. okay, so I know I am a little late when it comes to commenting, but I just wanted to say that I love this article and your personality is awesome. I am currently having a rough time with my husbands deployment. This is my first go around and it really sucks. I didn’t know what I was really getting myself into until it became a reality. your article really made me smile it was awesome. I’m actually surprised people had anything negative to say about it. Anywho I wish you and your family the best of luck

  44. I am not a military wife but I have family members who have served in the military. I know this was meant to be taken as humor… Which is certainly fine… but one thing that is missing is that both sides should be very fearful of divorce following the military service or when the kids reach 18 years of age if not earlier

    I am engaged to a former officer in the military . He and his ex were married more than 25 years…. all of it served in the military .

    The problem as I see with military service and I saw this with my family Who also served in the military … Is that the military by its very construction and disruption of family life can keep couples from solving issues that really need to be addressed in their marriage before the years and decades pass .

    But the constant deployments and obviously the stress of being in the military itself …. Can lead couples who are not in good marriages to deny the state of their marriage and to basically become domestic partnerships …. Roommates with little physical and emotional attachment to each other .

    This often means the wife stays at home and raises the kids and she may or may not have a college education and she may or may not hold a job. The husband typically earns the bread and butter.

    This domestic partnership can go on for years and years with problems in the marriage not being solved due to deployments and just really not wanting to deal with it . I mean who wants to deal with issues in the marriage after you’ve just come back from a year-long deployment.

    So what happens is that when the military life ends …. Your domestic partnership ends as well … Or it will end when the children are 18 and there’s no longer child support or other arrangements that have to be made dealing with minors ..

    So while this is all humorous even to a civilian like me who has never served …. You need to keep in mind that if you choose to follow a spouse in a military career that’s all good and well… just like being a homemaker in a civilian career .

    But you need to make sure your marriage problems don’t go on for decades because when the children hit 18 or when that military career ends …. you’re not going to be together …. at least not without infidelity and other issues .

    I would tell any military wife keep your job keep …. your education …. and keep your skill training up-to-date . Because just like in the civilian world we all want a happy ending.. but it doesn’t happen without admitting that we either have or have not picked the right lifestyle for us … And we either have or have not picked the right partner .

    Military life from what I can tell from a civilian view allows bad marriages to be delayed for years longer than even civilian marriages because you aren’t with each other every day and the problems don’t have to be faced head on.

    Discussing issues in your marriage and whether or not you should even stay together as a couple is a tough thing to deal with when your spouse comes back from a deployment where they may have been at war.

    But trust me From my discussions with my fiance … these issues should have been discussed and perhaps the marriage should have ended years earlier .

    And wives … this means dealing with weight gain as much as we like to laugh about it it’s a reality …. in both military and civilian life.

    Another piece of advice is don’t threaten your husband and tell him you’re gonna take 50% of his pension or whatever because he owes you for having raised the kids and supporting him throughout his career.

    You did choose that life you chose to have kids together you chose that domestic partnership. And as my fiance said …. There comes a point when they will be glad to give you 50% to end the marriage if your marriage has deteriorated that much .

    So don’t be in denial about the state of your marriage …. If you really do feel anything on this list you should probably speak up now and not 20 years later .

    Sounds a lot like civilian life if you ask me .

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