50 Things Only a Military Spouse Would Understand

Military Spouses are a unique breed. We are one of the support systems behind America’s military. We deal with situations that are mentally, physically, and emotionally draining… all because we fell in love with a man in uniform.

Today’s military spouse has even more issues to face. We get criticised for our opinions, our appearance, even the stickers on our car. But we’re stronger, we’re more vocal, and we deal with a lot of crap these days. Here are 50 things only a military spouse would understand.

Military Spouse Life

• The question of Where are you from? …uhh… pull up a chair, this may take a while
• PCS, TDY, MWR, OPSEC, TAD, CO, XO, PRT, PT,FRG etc
• Knowing His Coworkers by Only Their Last Name… well, when it’s embroidered right on their name tags, it’s easier
• Knowing His Coworker’s Wife by the title “So-and-So’s wife”… dammit she doesn’t have a name tag
• He’s “leaving soon” to Come Home… Cut to 5 hours later
• That Same Ugly Black and Silver Pen…. that you have dozens of but only half of them work
• The Ticket Prices of Military Balls… all for some dry chicken.

Deployment

• The Large Flat Rate Shipping Box that you plan to decorate but never do… Thanks to Pinterest, now you feel inadequate if your care package isn’t covered in construction paper and glitter
• Customs Forms that you scribble on… and have illegible writing. Don’t bother deciphering, postal worker, just stamp and move on
• Laundry List of Care Package Needs from Your S/O… why don’t you ever pack this stuff in the first place?
• Skype Connection/Chatting/Phone Call cut short… it’s always the signal…
• Something Going Wrong with the car/house/kids… usually as soon as he leaves
• Email and Chat Every Day… but then goes to River City
• Knowing What River City means… and how much it sucks

Uniform

• Spending HOW MUCH on Uniforms?… allowance or no allowance, uniforms cost a pretty penny
• Last Minute Calls for Dry Cleaning… “Babe, Can you drop this off at the cleaners, I need it tomorrow”… sound familiar?
• Wearing the same thing every day but producing the most laundry… how many undershirts, PT shirts and shorts, blouses, pants, have I washed this week?
• Daily Strip Down of All Uniform Accessories… and leaving them all over the house
• Pins, Bars, Medals… “Babe, does this look straight?”, “How is this supposed to look again?”,” Can you pin this on for me?”
• Finding Those Stupid Blouse Ties/Hooks All Over the Place… Make uniforms with an elastic band on the bottom… problem solved

PCS

• Order Changes… First you go here, and then you don’t, but then you go there, and then you don’t
• Order Envy… How in the heck did so-and-so get their orders before we did?
• Forgetting to Pack… Always forgetting to pack that one thing that you now have to lug around in your purse
• Lingering Inventory Stickers… some families might have enough colors and shapes for a whole sticker book
• Never Been Opened Box… that you took with you every PCS but have never opened
• How the Movers Manage to Tetris Your Stuff onto 5 or 6 Crates… if only they would do the unpacking as well
• Getting Shortchanged When You Receive the Reimbursement for Damages… because it is NEVER right

Resources

• Memorizing Your Husband’s SSN… but forgetting your own
• Dealing with Tricare… my head already hurts thinking about it
• Commissary on Pay Day… Rookie mistake!
• Exchange/NEX/MCX on Black Friday… Beware the Electronics and Designers Purses departments
• The Great Command-sponsored or MWR events… that you missed because your spouse forgot to tell you about
• Going to FRG/Ombudsman Meetings… only for the free food

Military Brats

• The Debate of Military VS Civilian Hospital for the Birth… no clear winner yet but everyone keeps asking
• How Each Kid Can Be Born in a Different State… gotta love the different colors and sizes of the birth certificates
• The Redonkulous Waiting list for Military Childcare… wonder if you can sign them up as soon as the stick turns blue?
• Asking That One Military Brat Where His Parents Are… because some parents suck
• Your Kid Fighting You to Hold the “Welcome Home” sign… only to ask you to hold it because his hands are tired

Housing

• The Detective Hunt for Pictures of the Housing You Want… when they pretty much all look the same
• Figuring Out the Best Location… and school district… and distance from base… and safety… and cheapest… and accept pets…
• Maintenance Personnel Being Awesome… or completely sucky
• Contemplating Your Love for Dogs Because of Your Neighbor’s Dog… it. won’t. shut. up.
• How You’ve “Had It With Housing”… but you’re still living there
• Figuring Out Ways to Call the Security/MPs on the Partiers Next Door… without them finding out it was you

Social Media

• Lurking Facebook Spouse Pages for Information… don’t act like you don’t do it
• Watching the Inevitable Drama on Spouse Pages Unfold… bring popcorn and be prepared to see “I’m entitled to my own opinion” a bunch of times
• Hearing from the OPSEC Nazi… seriously, who is dumb enough to post such personal info nowadays?
• Buying and Selling Stuff on the Resale Page is a Tossup… either you get someone chill or you get some cheap and/or crazy and/or flaky weirdo
• Admin Power Trips… because bitches be cray
• Reading Military Spouse Blogs Because They’re Helpful, Entertaining, and Hilarious… see what I did there?

Let’s get branch-specific…

Check out 20 Things only NAVY WIVES understand… OR
20 Things only ARMY WIVES understand… OR
20 things only MARINE WIVES understand… OR
20 Things only AIR FORCE WIVES understand

Be sure to add yours in the comments!

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