“I will not cry. I will not cry. I will not cry.”
Those are the words I kept repeating to myself as I got Junior ready for his first day at Daycare. Being the type-A personality I am, I prepped and prepared everything the night before. I picked out his clothes, loaded the car, and made sure he was well rested. Upon arrival, the teachers got a happy, fed, cheerful little baby. Everyone coo’d after him, and he didn’t even seem to notice that mom was leaving him.
I left feeling a little sad but satisfied that Junior would be just fine at daycare. After all, he does considerably well with strangers and enjoys being around people. I figured he would coast through his first day. That is, until 12 noon when I got a phone call from the daycare director.
“He’s crying from time-to-time”
translation: He cries all the time
“What’s the best way to put him to sleep?”
translation: We’ve tried everything
“What time will you be picking him up?”
translation: Come now
I was already missing him at work, but now I can’t focus on anything else but his pouty little face crying. Time seemed to move at a snail’s pace until it was time for me to leave work. I was feeling so guilty that I had left my baby with certified caretakers that had years of experience and are well-trained and equipped for taking care of babies, not to mention they have had stellar reviews from other parents.
I selected professionals who have way more experience than first-time-mom-me taking care of children. I was getting cabin fever taking care of junior non-stop. I was stressed due to hubbys’ upcoming work schedule. I soon realized that work was my break. Work was my time to do things for me. To think about the “me” before I became a mom.
Let’s not get things twisted. I will forever be the one who knows what’s best for my son. But I’m not disillusioned. I’m not the only one who knows best: pediatricians, nurses, lactation specialists, counselors, teachers, it really does take a village.
So if I need some help, I shouldn’t feel guilty. Society needs to stop making me feel guilty. Other moms need to stop making me feel guilty. I need to stop making me feel guilty.
Day 2 of Daycare and no phone call. Things are looking up…
(I still miss my baby)