Call of Duty… is a skanky homewrecker.
My husband’s other mistresses: Football Season, Baseball Season, and Golf, I can tolerate those ho-bags. They’re only in his life temporarily. The weather changes and therefore, it’s on to the next one.
But Call of Duty, heretoforth known as COD, sticks her ass here year round. You may have heard she had some work done, and released a new version of herself last month. Well ever since then, while I doze off to bed, my husband is up all night, talking to her, playing with her, given her all sorts of attention I don’t get. Even when she frustrates him “F**king campers”, “the s*** keeps glitching*, “How did he know I was there?!”, he still keeps crawling back to her.
He tried introducing her to me once. She was way too sophisticated in comparison to someone as uncoordinated as I am. I was involved with such simpletons as Nintendo and Gameboy. COD was different. COD, well she was special. She offered my husband something I can never offer him. She listens to his nonsense… but she doesn’t talk back.
Why do I put up with it? I work full time, and when I come home, I’d like to spend some quality time with my husband. But no. Even if we’re hanging out in the living room, she’s still in the back of his mind. By back his mind, I mean right by our TV. Staring at him, tempting him. He doesn’t say anything but his non-enthusiasm in our conversation, I know what’s up. And I solemnly slink off to the TV in the other room, as if I throwing up the white flag.
Within minutes… I hear him bringing out the headphones, getting his food and drinks ready, finding the best position on the couch, preparing for their “date”.
Will I ever win? Probably not. I’m having a boy, so I fully expect this beezy to sink her teeth into my future son.
For now, I have to deal with her as the “other woman”. The upside is… I can always press the “off” button.