Most pregnant woman run into awkward situations anyway (i.e. strangers rubbing your belly). But being a pregnant military spouse means you get a whole ‘nuther set of tactless questions.

pregnant military spouse

Not saying that a regular preggo lady is completely different from a preggo lady married to a service member. But as a recent preggo lady myself, this military wife encountered some strange, off-the-wall, intrusive comments that frankly… made me want to cut-a-b***h.

Here are 12 things never to say to a pregnant military wife unless you want to suffer the consequences of a dirty look, being cussed out… or worse.

1) Well, you’re in (insert duty station), there’s nothing better to do but breed
You think making babies is what I like to do in my free time?!

2) Was it planned or was it a homecoming baby? Neither, it was an immaculate conception. Who asks things like this?

3) Is the Dad going to be there for the birth?
This one I could understand if they don’t know about your family’s upcoming deployments. But if the dad isn’t going to be there for the birth, it always makes you sad to answer.

4) The Dad is going to miss out on a lot if he deploys.
No S***. That’s what cameras and skype are for.

5) Aren’t you scared of taking care of the baby all by yourself?
As if having a spouse deployed wasn’t hard enough, please remind me of the hardships of taking care of a baby. I JUST LOVE to be reminded. -__-

6) Well, you don’t want to gain too much weight or else you‘ll become one of those fat military wives.
Someone actually said this to me. But then he tried to backtrack it by saying it’s a compliment that I’m not a fat military wife. In any case, that person sucks at life.

7) That’s nothing, I’ve had to give birth alone, with 3 kids, all large babies, natural, with no medications, after (x) number of hours in labor… upside down, backwards, underwater, with no hands.
What is with preggo ladies and competition? It seems worse with military spouses.

8) You’re REALLY going to use the base hospital?
The civilian hospitals are only 100 miles away. NBD.

9) So you’re going to keep moving around because of the military, how will that affect the kid?
It will expose him to new adventures and cultures and make him a well-adjusted, well-rounded individual. …Questions?

10) Are you going to plan the next one after he gets back?
Let me get through this one first. We don’t make babies in our free time (see point 1)

11) I have no idea how you do it. I could never…
I’m sure you mean that as a compliment to me, but you make it sound like my lifestyle is far worse than your lifestyle. For which, Go away or I will cut you.

12) Are you actually going to let him/her join the military when they’re an adult?
1) You’re insinuating that joining the military is bad knowing full well that we are a military family 2) STFU

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